Where do I start...

"As we drive along this road called life, occasionally a gal will find herself a little lost. And when that happens, I guess she has to let go of the coulda, woulda, shoulda, buckle up and just keep going." Carrie Bradshaw.

I promised to blog more frequently. I'm sorry that I'm not blogging under better circumstances. I feel this is the best way to get things off my chest even if no-one ever reads it.

If you've ever had your heart broken then you'll know what I'm going through right now. However, having your heart broken twice by the same person by at the tender age of 21, that's unlucky. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me? Maybe not in this case. Had I never given it another chance, I'd always be wondering what would of happened.

3 weeks ago I had my life planned out. A lovely flat, and a man I was going to to marry and happily spend the rest of my life with. Overnight the whole lot went down the pan. The grief I feel about losing the love of my life for the second time is indescribable.

I feel like someone placed the most amazing cheesecake in front of me, let me have one bite then took it away! Like I lost on a game show and the host said "This is what you could of won". If only my life was like "Sliding doors" and I had the chance to see what two different paths my life could take.

This whole thing has got me wondering, when did the boundaries of relationships become so blurred. It feels that these days a marriage, an engagement, love, is seen as a challenge rather than being out of bounds. Something to destroy rather than respect. I know this doesn't apply to all women, or even all men but having already suffered so much in order for some stranger to be happy, it is hard to keep the faith.

It's fair to say my pride is bruised. I feel naive and stupid. Like the whole world is pointing at me and saying "See, I told you so". But I also feel brave, for having the strength to try again. I know that in time I will be able to forget the bitterness we feel now, and look back at the good times and be glad that I had them.

To quote the wise woman, Carrie Bradshaw "Can you make a mistake and miss your fate?". I believe that you can. And have.